OK so I am getting married in december and thought i had my bridal party sorted. I was going to have 2 bridesmaids (cousin and sister) and flower girl I am having my 6 year old 2nd cousin. When I was choosing the flower girl I was trying to chose between 2...the 6yr old and a 11yr old. I chose the 6yr old because she hasnt been a flower girl before and the 11yr old has with her parents. But now her parents are divorcing, and its a really hard and sensitive time for her, especially at 11 years old.
Anyway all the family gathered for easter, except me as Im in a different state. Apparantly they were talking about the wedding and the 11yr old asks my parents and sister if she could be a flower girl. My parents said to her she should ring me and ask, but they thought it would be a lovely idea. So she rings me and is sounds so scared and upset on the phone, and asked me real timidly if its possible if she could be in the bridal party.
Flower girl dilema? Never thought an 11yr old could confuse me so much?
Have her wear a matching dress or dress in colors that compliment the wedding party, and she can be the guestbook attendant. Buy a special corsage for her to wear and get her hair done in an elegant style, as well as a manicure, and include her on the other activities of the wedding (bridal shower, rehearsal dinner). Being a guestbook attendant is a VERY important job in your wedding and not "babyish" like a flowergirl would be for a young lady of her age and style. This is NOT something just anybody could do...Catch my drift?
Reply:That's SO sweet of you to think of your little cousins. AND especially the 11-year old, who is going through such a difficult time with her parents divorcing. Truly, even in an amicable divorce, everyone (especially the children) gets hurt.
So kudos to you for your compassion!
Someone else on this forum had a wonderful idea - She had 2 flower girls and wanted her third little girl relative to be a ring bearer.
So maybe consider having the 6-year old be the ring bearer and the 11 year old be the flower girl (or vice-versa)
OR - since she's 11, consider asking her to be a jr bridesmaid and carry your bible, the eternity candle, or take charge of the bouquet during the ceremony (in which case she would wear a corsage instead of carry a bouquet.)
Or she could read a passage from scripture
Or read a poem, short story etc.
Or sing/play a song
No, she doesn't have to be escorted down the aisle by a little boy. She can walk solo.
Yes, it's OK to have a different number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
But the nice thing is, that instead of being a temper-tantrum-throwing bridezilla and being offended at a little girl's daring to ask to be in your wedding, you're showing compassion and concern.
You're a good person, Darling. I wish you all the happiness.
Reply:I would include her as a junior bridesmaid
Reply:have her throw petals if she wants, otherwise, treat her like a flower girl, but give her a boquet of her own and have them walk down together. That way it doesn't throw the balance off even more. Don't stress about it, at the end of the day-if she is close to you, do what you want. If she is too old, just have her and the younger flower girl, in slightly different dresses to decipher that she is not a bridesmaid. Good luck, that is a tough one.
Reply:I agree - that was not their place to have her ask you.
That is awkward.
If you're okay with it - she chould be a flower girl. Or, maybe you could have her do something else - like be in charge of something - like passing out programs, passing out bubbles or birdseed to throw (if they still do that). Or may be reading something in the ceremony.
Or maybe be a Jr. Bridesmaid. See below - she doesn't need an escort.
All the best to you in your wedding and marriage!
Reply:She's the perfect age to sit at the guest book at the wedding reception, along with someone else.
Reply:She's a great age for junior bridesmaid. My cousin will be 11 at the time of my wedding and she is so excited to be included. She doesn't have to do much, but she gets to be a part of the party and have a place of honor with the other bridesmaids. Your 11yo cousin could walk down the aisle between the flower girl and the other bridesmaids.
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Reply:let her be a bridesmaid you can have as many as you like
Reply:She can be a flower girl if you want her to be. She would walk down the aisle paired with your other flower girl and and the Ring bearer can escort them both, should make a really cute picture.
There is also the option of making her a junior bridesmaid but she is a bit young for this role and you would then need to have a grooms man to escort her which would mean another grooms man. at her age I think the flower girl idea is the best. Just think what this will mean to her. God Bless you for considering you cousin at this extremely tough time in her life Congratulations
Reply:if you can afford to have her in the party then include her its your day and its up to you
Reply:You could have her as a mini-bride and have her walk in just in front of you...it would mean trying to find a kid's dress very similar if not exactly like yours
Reply:You should make her a Jr. Bridesmaid. I was one once and so was my cousin for my aunts wedding. We each walked down the aisle alone. It was perfect. You are right to old for flower girl.
Reply:include her, it soesn't have to be even on both sides. she can be a jr. brides maid. most places offer dresses that are similar to the bridesmaids but with straps or something to make it for a younger person. i wouldn't dress her like the 6 year old.
Reply:My first thought is that it is very rude of those around you to create such an awkward situation. An 11 year old is obvioulsy dealing with issues surrounding the break-up of her parents but using YOUR wedding as a way to ease her pain is just plain dumb.
Having vented my spleen, if you would like to find her a place in the wedding, that is a lovely and generous thought. Something simple where she can be a part of the festivities without putting her in an exposing situation.
Ask her what she would like to do.
Some children would be mortified by doing a reading in front of a bunch of people. Similarly, a candle lighting where everyone is looking at her could be difficult. It all depends on her personality.
Having her as a junior bridesmaid where all she has to to is walk up the aisle and stand at the front of the church within the 'safety' of others is another option.
Hosting the guestbook is something else she could do.
Reply:Include her as well. She likes you. Don't reject her.
Include all of them. That is the best.
Reply:She is a perfect age to be junior bridesmaid she is probably a little too old now to be a flowergirl, however in answering your question is 2 too many I am having 3!! I went to a wedding last month and they had 2 so its really up to you. Also I am only having 2 pageboys so if you don't have a partner for her i don't think it would really matter.
Good luck and hope you sort this matter out to make everyone happy.
Reply:Well, you could do like I did. I made girls around that age Jr bridesmaids. I am putting them in little black dresses; the bridesmaids are wearing a bright pink color (pink and black are my colors). She could wear either the same color as the bridemaids or your other color. She doesn't necassarily have to have a boy to walk with. She can walk alone and either sit down or stand up there next to the bridesmaids. Really, it works!
Reply:My 10 year old niece is going to be a Jr. bridesmaid in my wedding. I thought she was too old for a flower girl. You do not have to have the same number of people in the wedding on your side and the groom's side. I have been to many weddings were the groom and groomsmen are already standing at and by the altar and the bridesmaids walk down separately, one by one. Once the 11yr old walks down the aisle she can take a seat in the front row...if you are worried about symmetry. Hope this helps!
Reply:That sucks that your parents and sister put you in that position. And it sucks that her parents are getting a divorce. And it sucks that the six year old is your SECOND cousin.
Is there anyway you could have her be a third bridesmaid? Or maybe she could carry your train down the aisle. (I really like that idea actually.)
Not to be mean, but 11 does seem a little old to me for someone to be a flower girl, especially when you have another option. I think you should try to include her in some other way and stick with your original flower girl plans.
________________________________
Hey! Check this out:
Candle Lighters
"In some Christian ceremonies, pre-teens aged nine to 12 light candles at the altar just before the mother of the bride (see below) is seated. Candle lighters may dress like the wedding party or not. Your choice."
AND
Junior Bridesmaid/Groomsmen/Ushers
"These are young members of the wedding party (aged 9-16). They'll attend all major functions (excluding X-rated ones) and fulfill the same responsibilities as senior squad members. Lasses can wear less-sexy versions of the bridesmaid dresses (if the dresses are risque); lads may don a tux like the big guys."
This article by The Knot has even more ideas:
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?O...
Reply:Junior Bridesmaid would be a perfect position for her. She wouldn't have to have a male counterpart. You can also put her in a "supervisory" position over the flower girl and ring bearer.
At the recessional, perhaps she can walk with the flower girl and ring bearer and kinda watch out over them.
Put her in a dress that's a junior version of the bridesmaids dresses - not a flower girl type dress. It will make her feel grown up and important.
Reply:For the boys - - they can be ushers and show people to their seats for the service/ceremony.
the 11 year old could be a flower girl or Jr. Bridesmaid - whichever you like.
The numbers do not have to balance.
Reply:Okay. This is simple. Eleven is a bit old for flower girl so why not make her a Junior Bridesmaid? Simple and problem solved. Since she wants to participate, this is a way for her to be in it. Don't worry about if it is evenly matched - nobody does that anymore, anyway.
Reply:Just have her be a Junior Bridesmaid. Eleven is the perfect age for a Junior Bridesmaid, and you don't HAVE to ask another boy just to make it even. She can walk down the aisle along in front of the flower girl. She would have a smaller version of the bridesmaids bouquet.
Reply:I had five flower girls in my wedding, it was gorgeous. You can also just make her a jr. bridesmaid, find her a special dress and a bouquet, she might like that because it'll be something unique for her.
Reply:Im getting married in July and I have a 12 year old sister, her first words to me was she wanted to be the flower girl. Problem there because I want my 6 year old little girl to be my flower girl. I suggested to her that she could be a junior bridesmaid and she was really excited about that idea, she thinks it's so much more important than a flowergirl. You could try that and maybe try to find a junior groomsmen to walk down or have her walk up the aisle alone....which if you do that she may think then it's really special because all eyes would be on her during that walk :) Just a suggestion!
Reply:there's nothing wrong with two flower girls its your wedding do what you want. 11 isnt to old, perhaps she could throw petals b4 you walk down the isle. so what if you dont have another page boy.
Reply:she can always be a JR bridesmaid. you can tell her this is a very special job, she can walk with the flower girl.
Reply:My 9 year old sister is going to be my junior bridesmaid. So she can be in the wedding but doesn't have to have "bridesmaid" things to do. She asked to not be a flower girl cuz she feels to grown up to be one. LOL.
Reply:She can either be a second flower girl, it's actually pretty common to have two doing the same duty. Maybe if you have two wedding colors one can throw petals of one color and the other can do the other color. Or she could be a Jr. Bridesmaid, you do not have to have an escort for her so you don't need to worry about finding another page boy.
Reply:A good job for the 11y/o would be to stand at the guest book while people sign it. If you are having ceremony programs, she could pass them out while people sign the guest book as well. At the reception she can pass out cake after you and your new husband cut it. Then she feels involved and you don't really have to even out the numbers and add another boy. If she wants to dance with the wedding party at the reception when everyone is announced, maybe you can just find another boy for her to dance with for that time.
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